Monday morning magazine roundup

Yes, it's Tuesday, but we're too lazy to change the title.

Newsweek scares us with its "Weather Panic" cover, the twister pictured suggesting that "this is the new normal (and we're hopelessly unprepared)." Scarier still is this inside story: "Is Lady Gaga the new Oprah?" And if you aren't hiding under the covers by now, this should put you down for good: "Building the perfect Republican."

Time also highlights "In the twister's path--What's behind the worst tornado season in 50 years?" on its front, with the cover going to a cartoon brain representing "The Science of Optimism" ("Hope isn't rational," it says, "so why are humans wired for it?" Clearly, they didn't talk to us.)

Entertainment Weekly's special "Best of Summer" double issue has "the irresistible" Jason Bateman buried up to his neck in sand with a seagull perched on his head. No Gaga, but they are "on tour with Katy Perry." Inside, too, is a reading list from Stephen King and "the last hurrah" of Harry Potter.

The New Yorker has a funny cover of a smoker, salt user and carb loader pilloried on a New York sidewalk, with instructions not to feed the "backsliders." "Sex in High Places" is the big story, which asks specifically if Italy has finally had enough of Berlusconi, "and the sexist culture he embodies." Seymour Hersh also gauges how real Iran's nuclear threat is--or isn't.

New York looks at the Long Island serial killer in its cover feature, inside stories including "the man who was cured of AIDS," "Andrew Cuomo, Gay-Marriage broker" and "Rahm's Chicago."

The Hollywood Reporter goes with James Cameron and Michael Bay on its "How to Build a Better Blockbuster" cover. Highlighted, too, is its "Emmy's 2011 Kickoff," and former manager and Helen Reddy ex Jeff Wald's "I was a Hollywood addict" confession--which we passed on, figuring the story's been told at least a million times before.

Finally, Billboard pats itself on the back with a "Beyonce Makes History--at the 2011 Billboard Music Awards" cover. Apparently, hers is/was "the performance of a lifetime," though whose lifetime is not revealed.